Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
