i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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