it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
