It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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