I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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