Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
