Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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