The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
