Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
