I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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