He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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