Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
