I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
