i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My penis needs a shock collar
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
