3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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