Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
