it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
