drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
