Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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