ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
