I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
