I am puke
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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