Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
