He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
