Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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