I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
