Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
