I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
