i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
