Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Never underestimate the power of titties
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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