No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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