my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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