he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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