Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he shaved USA in his pubs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
