I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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