I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
