their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I smell stomach acid.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
