she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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