R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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