Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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