You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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