We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she pinky promised me she was 18
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
