The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
