I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
