I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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