seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
