Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
