Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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