her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
