We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
where does the pee come out of this thing
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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